


The Loop of These Memories

by goddamnitkastlewrites



Series: He Was [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-04 01:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14008893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnitkastlewrites/pseuds/goddamnitkastlewrites
Summary: First posted to goddamnitkastle.tumblr.com on December 29, 2017.This was my #KastleChristmas 2017 gift in which I wrote small, loosely connected ficlets/drabbles. This series is titled "He Was."It involves Karen’s relationship with her brother Kevin, coping with his death, and Frank finding out about it. He wants to look into it, find justice but Karen does not.I might post the rest of the drabbles here one day but this one was the center piece of it and I want it on my AO3 page. I hope to continue with it, maybe write it proper one day. We shall see.





	The Loop of These Memories

He takes her to a diner. It’s another hole in the wall but he insists that the eggs are out of this world. His plan may be to help her forget what tomorrow is but it won’t last long.

“Karen.”

She blinks and turns to him.

“You want coffee?”

The waitress comes up to their table, notepad in hand.

“No just water.”

Frank orders and the waitress goes to the kitchen. Frank opens the menu despite knowing exactly what he wants. Karen guesses that he’s trying to make this slightly forced excursion seem normal. Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary here. The anniversary of her brother’s death is tomorrow and Frank thought taking her out would help her cope with the awful day. He didn’t give her much of a choice but he at least doesn’t push her into talking. The silence is weighing her down though and she’ll do anything to fill the space. To stop the black hole in her chest from consuming her, that Kevin is gone and she’s still here…

“So that van…” Karen said tentatively.

“Don’t like it?”

“No it… suits you.”

“Yeah, never really been one for cars. Maybe a Mustang… Maria wanted a Subaru or some mid size car but I put my foot down and we got the SUV.”

She laughs at that. Suddenly she can breathe easy.

“Yeah I’ll be driving by myself and I swear she’s next to me. Arms crossed.”

The waitress comes back with their drinks. Frank orders his eggs. She turns to her.

“I’m good with the water.”

“You sure you don’t want anything dear?”

“I’m good for now.”

The waitress leaves again. Frank has grown quiet, his hands clasped together.

“I used to see her. I don’t anymore. Now it’s just…”

He sounds so far away. Karen feels her throat tighten. He has ripped himself apart over his losses to her so many times. She realizes then that it’s her turn now. It’s not that she owes him but it starts to bubble up and this time, she doesn’t want to push it down. And it was going to come to this, one way or another.

“Ben’s car is my first car. In high school I had a Jeep.”

He looks up.

“Kevin was so jealous. He’d tell me that he was gonna get it one day.”

She blinks away the inevitable tears. Frank is still but his hands are now on the table.

“He was…”

He swarms her mind. Bits and pieces of him come into focus. His laughter. His shaggy, blonde hair. The black cargo pants he practically lived in. His glossy eyes from too much Jack.

“He was…”

“Karen you don’t have to…”

“No I… I’m tired of being his mausoleum.”

She takes a breath.

“He loved diners. Punk music. Oh God when  _Mr. Brightside_  came out… he came to my room and asked for my eyeliner. When my dad saw him at dinner that night…”

**_“You look like a faggot!”_ **

Karen flinches.

“Hey…”

Frank takes her hand in his. Karen sees their waitress approaching. She pulls away. The waitress sets the plate down.

“Your father. What’d he do?”

“He’s a scientist.”

Frank looks up from his platter, his look one of genuine shock.

“There was some uh, government building in Fagan Corners. He never really talked about what he did. But it was very 9 to 5 and the benefits were good. He was stern. Old school. Always threatened with wooden spoons and spankings when we misbehaved. Wasn’t one to approve of his son wearing eyeliner…”

“Got it.”

They sit in silence for a while, he eats and she looks out the window. The headlights of cars flash past, lighting up their booth. Her memories appear with them. The day their last family portrait was taken. The day Kevin failed his driver’s test. Her mother sitting at the kitchen table, her eyes vacant as her father yelled at her.

“Kevin never passed his driving test.”

Frank is wiping his hands with a napkin, his platter demolished.

“He’d taken it twice. His anxiety would overwhelm him. He wanted to pass so badly. He wanted to get out of Fagan.”

Frank looks at her quizzically. She knows what he’s going to ask. He (or Micro) must’ve found the police report.

“So that accident…”

“Frank…”

“Did you ever look into it?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“My parents wanted to pretend that he never existed. I resented that and I left in spite.”

“And now?”

“What about now? I read the report, there was no foul play.”

His stare is incredulous.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I don’t get it. You’re always one for the truth. I thought you would be knee deep into figuring out what happened.”

_I have_  she thinks. She lost a lot of nights that first year away from home. Everything was a dead end. She has no answers for him.

“I can’t go down that rabbit hole again.”

“You wouldn’t be alone. You’d have me, Micro…”

“No.”

“No?”

“Kevin is off the table. I can’t… Frank I can’t.”

She gets up, grabs her coat. She knows she has a long trek home from Brooklyn but she needs to leave.

She starts walking. He doesn’t follow.

**Author's Note:**

> "He Was" series can he found here:
> 
> https://goddamnitkastle.tumblr.com/tagged/he-was


End file.
